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2006/8/27 TeufelHis name is Lucy.
Haunting me.
His name is Lucy.
Calling me.
The day I fear has come again.
Broken hollow memories.
Fucked up, dead inside, I feel like this.
Motions stir my stable mind.
Digging out of such a perfect hole.
Dive right back in, hide from the scars.
His name is Lucy.
Always haunting me.
His name is Lucy.
Hear him calling me.
Bodies falling one by one.
I hear the call and heed to all.
Tensions building, run my son.
Fight the power on and on.
My name is Lucy.
I'm haunting you.
My name is Lucy.
I'm calling you.
Answer me! 2006/8/8 I've got nothingCursed! Your name is...
Hands bound! Behind my back...
I call out! Round the bend...
Not this time, no cover for the unrenowned.
Down, down, down, down.
Circle round the fire now.
Spin a tale of woe and when,
We're just trying to pretend it doesn't hurt.
Come on, will you fight or let them go?
Just let me know.
The first or the latter, it really doesn't matter.
Just let me know. 2006/6/25 not doneIt's something inside you Forever preaching for mine too. Anesthesia of the heart Will not help to heal the scars. 2006/5/20 The UnknownYou again?
You're in my mind
You play your games
And I learn again that I
I know it all too well
Confusion Infusion
Manifestation
What do you want with me?
I see it isn't fair
The way I touch your hair
This feeling deep inside
It's just too hard to hide
You and me
Might never get to be
If you won't let me go
And show you what I know
I know it all too well
Confusion Infusion
Manifestation
What do you want with me?
Revolting
You can't describe it
Not a normal day in the world of a mad man
I can understand it
But it's there no matter what
Come on just let me go
And I'll show you just what I know I know it all too well
Confusion Infusion
Manifestation
What do you want with me? 2006/5/8 Mistressfuck me again, yeah!
(music intro)
Bitch, you hold me down
How do you break me down?
I want you in my life
Hide in my secret strife
That part of you!
It makes me wanna hate you...
But all of you!
Gives me what I need to...
FUCK
You are my mistress. (repeated a couple times)
Complicated misery
Cold and lonely bribery
God, you're not my enemy
But I'll kill you anyway!
That part of you!
It makes me wanna hate you...
But all of you!
Gives me what I need to...
FUCK
You are my mistress. (repeat a few more times)
Please rape me again, bitch.
Yeah well, that's just something I wrote in science class and Studgy wanted to see so I gave up and put it here. Yes, it was originally intended to be a song and you'll see a lot of Korn influence (the main band I've been listening to lately). I'm thinking that if I ever sing it or at least get someone else to, I'd make sure they have a bit of a sensual growl in it and also some vicious, almost alien-beast like sound. Like a Zerg from Starcraft if anybody has played that before...I'm proud to say I can mimic most of the hydralisk sounds. Lol, anybody that cares about the game check it at www.blizzard.com under the Starcraft: Brood War tab at the top. 2006/5/4 such pheasant pluckers, aren't they?I agree Katya I did have more deepness and vague meaning in the beginning but by the end I was clearly making a point that if anybody read it now would clearly understand (except you
 sorry). Well I just wanted to say that lately 2 songs have been speaking to me almost... both by Korn and on the Life Is Peachy album...oh and hell they're right after each other, but anyway it's K@#0%! and No Place To Hide. After this lil paragraph I've included quotes from them both, in the order you see. Enjoy.I don't know what to say.
So what? Don't give a fuck, man I don't know what to say. So what? I have fought to find somethin' to say But now I've found somethin' to say Fuck you Punk ass bitch
I see your faces and I do not understand why
Yeah I like em so if you don't you can go to hell, thanks and have a pheasant plucking day. 2006/4/14 a night of chaos in my mindLast night I couldn't breathe properly for a good 5-10 minutes (as Lana knows) but when I got back to the computer, I realized I had nothing to do...my life right now is really falling into place and I really just have to wait it out for awhile. As I sat here at 1:30 am thinking of this, I opened notepad and just started typing whatever I could think of...the product is what you see before you. It has a lot of hidden meaning that only a few people might be able to figure out.
Chaotic magnanimous masters, dastardly bastards with fingers of ice and heads of lice, what the fuck is wrong with that? Ask me why I say or pray or overlay my okay with nothing but the truth. You are the one, my none, my all, my ball in this giant game of tennis that we call life. Back and forth, tick and tock, ying and yang, coke and pepsi, advertising their right to fight. You and me are not so different, not so consistent, not so magnificent, but it's what we want. We adore to abhor our hatred pores, our kindred whores, hidden by what is truly there. An evil glare a face of madness, sadness and despair, tell me why you are so fair. I feel your hair within my hand, within my grasp is where you are, that's where you are, right where I want you. On me, in me, around me, not allowing me to see what I could see or feel what I must feel or be what I could be. Do you want me, will you stop me, when my finger pulls the trigger? Will I do the unthinkable, will I be unfaithful to your love, to your dove in flight. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, all you need to do is grab hold and never let go. Please, tell me how you lie and yet not die in your eye I see all that you want, is it me? I plea that you can be my one and only, hold me closely in the arms that are so pure. Behind that softened stare, your loving mare, is it there that I must go? No, nevermore said the crow in a row of love and hate collaborations, manifestations, horrible castrations of what we used to call real. I am not alone, but will I stand undone? 2006/2/12 shakespearean momentO, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! I besiege thee, dear love. Waste not thy time without me by your side. Take mine hand and head forth into the unknown, fearing not what tender fingers slide across your face, for they are mine and yours and ours at once in all that is human and holy.
(middle one was the only thing I wrote myself) 2005/10/22 LifelessI let you in...I kept you whole. I held you tight...you fought my war. You pushed me back...I caught your soul. You tried to leave...I own you. NO!
Let me help you...GET AWAY FROM ME! Can't you see I...WANT YOU DEAD LIKE ME! Cut you open on a summer breeze, kill my zombie E-NE-MYYYY!
Life...left before me. Death...pulls me closer. Fuck...it's not over.
Never faced another master. Of disaster. Want to show me. How you plaster. All the things I've done. Do it faster. I don't have much time. Cause the bastard. ISN'T WHAT I FEARED!
Let me help you...GET AWAY FROM ME! Can't you see I...WANT YOU DEAD LIKE ME! Cut you open on a summer breeze, kill my zombie E-NE-MYYYY!
Life...left before me. Death...pulls me closer. Fuck...it's not over.
(to be continued, I promise) 2005/9/30 peel mecall to order men of fate, laid to rest before his feet breast and soul combine for aiur, solemn home made for flame's fire beast between your concious hate, found and cared for often cold take your whole and absolution, blood and thunder strike again make me who I am today, make me what I am to be make me whole and armed to teeth, make enough as not to flee breath, breath is falling away all my life is gone, time goes on and all my life is falling away peel it away, take it away break me apart and take what you can peel it away, take it away kill me again
2005/9/9 contemptuous or perpetuous?staring though your eyes into my soul,
glaring at your hatred for your love,
baring it all or dying trying,
hold me close before I leave,
cast your layers aside,
mast your love like a flag not facade,
guttered your feelings,
numbered your days,
fluttered the feathers of the future and broken my trust.
I could forgive you but I need a sign,
point it out and let me know that you want it for real.
I can't read your mind though I wish I could,
I need it said or it won't ever be clear. 2005/9/8 Giving UpThey always push you around and you just take it like a man,
They always put you down and you just walk away again,
They always beat you up and you just let them walk all over you,
But this time it's gonna be different. A different point of view.
I told you not to give up,
To hold your head up high and say that you're the bigger one.
To speak with all your contempt,
All flowing from your pores, your vains, your inner workings that were for so long alone.
Bring them their desserts,
Their justice is best served colder than the way they treated you.
You fight with every ounce,
Every last reserve of darkened hatred left to brood inside your soul.
It's gonna be a different day,
The eyes of members of your family will see you in a different light.
The man you used to be,
Is gone and withered killed by everything they've ever done.
Cause they always push you down and you just take it like a man,
They always put you on the ground and you just walk away again,
They always beat your insides out and you let them walk all over you,
But this time it's gonna be different. A different point of view.
The view from the other side of a gun that's made for two. 2005/9/7 yesyes, yes I am an unhappy child....though I don't see how that makes me hotter, thank you. now I shall have to go get some kind of edible substance before I pass out.....
alright now that I'm well fed, speak to me people! tell me what to write about....ideas for poems or songs or just my opinion on anything, I can't think of anything to write
HEY KATYA!!!!!! long time no talk, stupid school is on now so we probably won't be able to see each other for awhile....but I'm thinking some kind of vacation time like march break would be smart, christmas is too much of a time to spend with family to go anywhere so that's the best I can figure out...and how the hell are you? still depressed? ahaha ok then, I gotta go time for "bed" whatever that is, like I ever sleep lol bye This Is My Home.caught up by the border of insanity
held in my grazen refuge
paid in full have I to the demon lord
empty is the soul you claim
mortar tiding, children hiding, force of the peutrid method
mind to matter, corpses splatter, all over the bright red skies
curvy writing lines the plastered
walls of all the trades I've mastered
told to bide my time out faster
here I hide forever after 2005/9/2 Born BeautifulI'm so lost in your eyes that I saw all your lies.
Burned deep in your mind left there for me to find.
In my soul you're my treasure, my unwanted pleasure.
Taking you in is like 10 thousand sins.
Born out of grief it tears out a reef.
And it seals away my hatred.
I told you not cry cause then I'd have to rip out your eye!
I told you to stop all your screams or else I'd have to enter dreams!
I swim around inside of your head.
While you struggle to drink up the tears that I shed.
It's your whole, it's your life, no more will you strife.
I'ts the end of all your suffering!
I don't want to hide, from your beautiful eyes.
They tell me everything and point to the skies. 2005/8/25 holy shit!!ok, to the benefit of the rest of you here is...dare I say it.....pictures of me I apologize for any nightmares you may or may not have, but most likely will....umm, ya so the cake thingy is actually completely whipped cream that no one else would eat...it tasted so damn good and in the other one I'm the one on the left and we're at the MMVAs and I had stickers all over me and the others are Esty and Chad (left to right)...and...well ya I have nothing left to say enjoy (if you can)
thanks to Celia for the pics musicok, following recent arguments pretaining to said subject in the form of comments I shall now do something that has been until now....quite heard of actually. but still, I shall now create THIS!!!!! well you can't see it...or me and my wide gestures meaning something big, but anyway it is here. YOU may now comment here, yes YOU right HERE, may now comment on MUSIC ya I know...that doesn't sound so exciting, but so what? you guys wanna argue in my comments than do it here. you can comment if you like music, hate music, if you like my music, if you othe rpeople's music, you can be positive, negative, argumentative...I JUST DON'T CARE!!! now if any of you fuckheads can't read and post something besides music related comments here it shall be BALEETED!! yes I said BALEETED!!....NOW COMMENT YOU FUCKERS!!!
and by the way, this is to the fucked up idiot who called me "My Kind Of Girl" you either need new eyes, a new brain or a new penis...cause it's barking up the wrong tree, it's about to meet up with a squirrel and his nuts. man, you're like the third guy to confuse me with a girl...READ MY FUCKING PROFILE!!!!!!!! and my picture is even of a guy!! what the fuck more do you want?!?! (anybody who wants to comment on this paragraph just put it in with the post before this cause it'll get BALEETED!! if you post it here 2005/8/23 leave mehidden am I veiled to all you know, masked to pain and hurt and hate, hiding from the truth of my own feutile existence. made I am to leave with new, a feeling made from all mingled together as one. something different, something broken, a failed project, a half-finished picture. I have nothing left, I've given it all away, dealt out like a deck of cards, even shares for everyone until the game starts, then picked off slowly and handed to others.
some of this may or may not make sense to most of you, but to me all of it means something. I've been through a lot and all of you were there and sometimes not there, whether I wanted or you not I pushed you all away....eyes, I can't take the staring eyes. the part of the body most seducing, most enticing, most beautiful...is the one thing I can't stare straight into. your eyes, your bright shining hopeful eyes seeing right through me. I feel little if not nothing, just leave this broken piece of furniture on the corner to rot away eaten by raccoons until the call comes for my eventual end.... 2005/8/17 okI must finally speak to you Katya, it's too painful not knowing what you're doing and how you are and so on and sor forth!! I've been so busy sleeping and eating and playing video games that I haven't said much, so yeah that's all I've been doing....and I really like that show Rockstar: INXS. I don't really like INXS but the show is awesome. My favorite Jessica but she just got kicked off half an hour ago lol I was so sad, but I hope Marty wins he rocks. Anyway, SPEAK TO ME KATYA I MUST KNOW HOW YOU'RE DOING!!!!!!!! and we have to find some way to get together, soooooonnnn!!!!!
and no sorry Jennifer I really don't like rap, honestly I despise it...I only have Jay-Z on my lists at all is cause he did stuff with Linkin Park and they rock, but I don't discriminate and rap is essential...after all we rockers have to have something to hate besides Britney Spears lmao 2005/8/13 Beyond The Veil or The Demon That Never WasHeld up to touch the outer breath of life existant over gates of gods who forge their weapons steel and men who hide their former still. More pain I see beyond the veil of hurt and fear and thoughts you bail, to flee from your own concious fails I've seen it cut your hither tales. Short breaths you take to conquer hate, and conjure more as well you bait the evil that resides inside our tortured mangled left-dying hides. Fuck that I wanted more, torn out from where once it had bore. The lore of years passed, more to come have left me in a scrabbled run to reach my destination clear as rain in fog and shadowed hollowed mirror. |
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